Words hurt.

bored

Gender: Female

Sexual Orientation: straight

Job/School: school

Age: 14

Age first self injured: 13

Why do you self injure? Makes me feel better about myself.

How do you self injure? razor blades 

Do you feel pain when you self injure? yeah but a kind of enjoyable pain

How do you feel before, during, and after you self injure?

Before: like killing myself

During: calm

After: nothing

Do you have any rituals? no

Have you ever self injured in front of someone, or been caught self cutting? once

Do you know any other self-injurers? yeah

How do you hide your self injury? i wear long sleeved tops and never show the rest of my body.

Have you ever told anyone you self-injure? yeah, my best friend. it just went in one ear and came out the other with her.

How did they react, and how did this make you feel? thought it would have been better but i guess she thinks ive stopped.

Do you have any coping skills? music helps me

Have you ever had to seek medical attention for your injuries? no

Have you ever been in treatment for your self-injury? no

Do you take any psychiatric medications? no

Other issues:
Do you have any of the following mental health issues? 
- Anorexia
- Bulimia
- Depression
- Bipolar
- Borderline Personality Disorder
- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
- Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
- Anxiety/Panic Attacks
- Dissociative Identity Disorder
- Alcohol/Drug Addiction

(I’ve never been to a doctor about any of these so I really don’t want to self diagnose. All I know is mostly I feel like shit all the time.)

Do you have any other mental health issues? no

Have you ever been abused?  no

Bold It.

My personality:

• I’m loud. 
  
• I’m sarcastic. 
• I’m cocky. 
• I cry easily. 
• I have a bad temper. 
• For the most part I don’t like people. 
• I’m easy to get along with. 
• I’ve smoked. 
• I’ve smoked weed. 
• I drink coffee. 
• I clean my room daily. 

Relationships:

• I’m in a relationship now. 
• I’m single. 
• I’m crushin’. 
• I’ve missed an ex before. 
• I’m always scared of being hurt. 
• An ex has physically abused me at least once. 
• I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did. 
• I believe in love at first sight. 
• I believe lust is more important than love. 

Friendships:

• I have a best friend. 
• I have at least ten friends. 
• I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend. 
• I’ve beaten up a friend. 
• I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend. 
• I can trust at least five people with my life. 

Family Life:

• I get along with both of my parents. 
• My biological parents are still together. 
• I have at least one brother. 
• I have at least one sister. 
• I have at least one step brother/sister. 
• I have at least one half brother/sister. 
• I’ve been kicked out of the house.  
  
• I’ve sworn at my parents. 
• I’ve made my parents cry. 
• I’ve lied to my parents. 
• I’ve lied to my parents about where I am. 
• I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing. 
• I’ve lied to my parents so I’d be allowed out.

School: 

• I’ve been suspended. 
• I’ve had an in-school suspension. 
• I’ve walked out of class. 
• I’ve skipped an entire day of school. 
• I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class. 
• I’ve failed a test. 
• I’ve failed Art. 
• I’ve failed P.E. 
• I’ve failed math. 
• I’ve failed science.
• I’ve failed another class. 

Experiences:

• I’ve been on a plane.
• I’ve taken a taxi.
• I’ve taken a city bus.
• I’ve taken a school bus.
• I’ve gone bungee jumping.
• I’ve made a speech. 
• I’ve won an award.
• I’ve spent 24 hours on a computer straight.

Music:

• I listen to Heavy Metal.
• I listen to R&B.
• I listen to country. 
• I listen to pop.
• I listen to techno.
• I listen to rock. 
• I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until i hate it.
• I hate the radio.
• I download music.
• I listen to Acoustic.

Television:

• I spend at least six hours a day watching television.
• I watch soap operas daily.
• I’m in love with Days Of Our Lives.
• I’ve seen and liked the O.C.
• I’ve seen and liked One Tree Hill.
• I’ve seen and like Americas Next Top Model.
• I’ve seen and like Popular.
• I’ve seen and like 24.
• I’ve seen and liked CSI.
• I’ve seen and like Everwood.
• I’ve watched movies that are shown on TV.

Questions.

LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE.

Name: Sammy
Birth Date: August 27.
Current Location: Scotland
Hair Color: Dyed bright Purple.
Righty/Lefty: Righty.

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
Your fear: The dark.
Your dream of the perfect date: Getting along with the person is best.

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
Your thoughts first waking up: Do I have to face people at school.
Your best physical feature: Don’t have one.
Your bed time: Anytime.

LAYER 4: YOUR PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: Coke.
McDonald’s or Burger King: Burger King.
Adidas or Nike: Adidas.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla. 
Cappuccino or Coffee: Don’t like neither. 

LAYER 5: DO YOU.
Smoke: No.
Cigarettes: No.
Pot: No.
Cuss: Not sure what that is?
Take showers: Yes.
Have a crush: Have a boyfriend.
Like school: Hmm, its okay I guess, but the bullies, they ruin my days.
Believe in yourself: I try my best.
Believe what goes around comes around: Yes.
Believe everything happens for a reason: Yes.
Think you’re a health freak: No.

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Gone to the mall: Yes.
Been on stage: No.
Eaten sushi: No.
Been hurt: Yes.
Dyed your hair: Yes.
 
LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.
Played a stripping game: No.
Kissed the same sex: Yes.
Changed who you were to fit in: Yeah, I do it often.

LAYER 8: GETTING OLD.
Age you’re hoping to be married by: When I feel I’m ready, if I live to it.
Number of kids you’re planning on having: No more than four.

LAYER 9: IN A GIRL/BOY.
Best eye color: Any.
Hair color: Any.
Short or long hair: Any.
Fat or fit: Any.
Looks or personality: Personality.
Fun or serious: Both.

LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.
1 MINUTE AGO: This.
1 HOUR AGO: Tumblr.
1 WEEK AGO: Not sure
1 YEAR AGO: Don’t remember.

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE.
I feel: Useless.
I hate: Bullies
I love: My family, friends and boyfriend.

LAYER 12: FAVORITES.
Color: Don’t have one.
Food: Pasta.
Thing to do: Listen to music and block out the world.

LAYER 13: RANDOM.
What’s your middle name?: Lee-anne.
What are you excited for?: I’ve got nothing to be excited for.
Do you have any saved texts on your phone?: No.

.

On monday, a boy said to the class “if she gets sat next to me, i’ll kill myself.” yeah, well maybe i’ll do the same.

Suicide.

I’ve read lots of post on the internet recently about cuts, scars, death, suicide and more. There’s me thinking I’m alone, when I’m clearly not. There’s lots of people in this world right now who are going through the same thing. Wanting to end it because the pain is taking over and you can’t control it anymore? Yeah? I know those feelings. I have them all day, everyday. It’s actually quite sad that I have them at fourteen but I’m sure there’s plenty younger than me in this same situation. I just wanted to write about how hard it is going through things like this, and I feel this is the best way to get it out, as I don’t personally know anyone on tumblr. When I’m with my friends, I joke, smile, laugh but there’s just this thing inside me that wants to come out, and make me break down into tears. It’s not nice feeling like this but there’s not really a way of stopping it. I have anger problems so it’s hard to understand if I’m crying because I’m angry sometimes but It’s just all the same thoughts. “I don’t want to be here anymore”. That’s my main thought. Sitting through school or whatever, having that on your mind? IT’S HORRIBLE! I have lots of scars, and plenty of stories to tell alone with them. I have fresh cuts right now because they make me feel like I’m achieving something, or finally getting somewhere. When I cut, I feel so much better than what I did without them. It’s almost like they are making me “pretty” and I don’t regret making any of them. Also not wanting to eat because your what society calls “fat”, or not looking in the mirror because your “ugly”. Well guess what? You’re not ugly, you’re beautiful. Just like everyone else. I’m going through just as much as you are so please don’t think your all alone. There’s always someone to talk to, including me. You could always leave me a message and we could share our stories. Kind of feel what it’s like to walk in someone else’s shoes. 

Just remember, we’re fighting the same battle and at the end of the day, it’s all going to be worth it.